second chances

A friend asked me last night, “I don’t believe in second chances when it comes to relationships because there was a reason it didn’t work in the first place right?” I told her, “Well I guess so…it really depends on how you look at it and if people have truly changed.” She said, “I don’t think people change that much …I think their core stays the same once they reach a certain age.” I went on, “Ok…it’s ok to believe that, it’s just that not everyone believes that that’s the problem.” She then states, “True.” I finally send, “It’s really hard to say really, maybe someone, or both people, really screwed up the first time, then had time to realize their mistakes.” The conversation pretty much ended there. What is it really about second chances and relationships? This question has lurked at me before, but last night a friend ignited that fire that long ago dwindled to a small flame. Are second chances real or are they just an excuse to take a trip back down memory lane to remind us why it didn’t work out in the first place? This subject is really difficult to comment on. There is no definite perspective that the vast majority of people claim about second chances and relationships. Everyone seems to have their own opinion both when it directly involves them and when it involves advice given to a friend or relative. I have heard people say, “Man she ain’t no good for you, she hasn’t changed from the day you met her,” or “Girl he ain’t worth your time, he did you wrong once and he will do you wrong again.” But take those same opinionates and put them in the shoes of the people they are talking to. Would they take the same advice they have given their friends or relatives and apply it to their situation as well? Do people take this advice and apply it to their own lives? Sometimes they may, but usually not. We all have the tendency to critique others’ relationships and thrive on giving them “beneficial” advice to leave that “jerk” or “hoe” and think we are making it easier for them. Now lets take a look from their perspective shall we? Go ahead; take a loved one you were in a relationship with or the loved one you are currently with and say, “To hell with a second chance!” “They aren’t worth my time and he/she hasn’t changed or won’t change and I’m giving up, I’m leaving! Is that easy for you to say? Of course it was because they are only words, and words we use in the privacy of our own time or with friends who help you to reach this “conclusion.” Now here is the real question, did you really give up? Did you really leave? Of course not, why in the hell would you leave? Out of these few statements you’ve made about him/her not being worth your time and they never changing, you come up with a million more reasons why you should stay because you know deep inside your heart they have the ability to change and that it’s going to work out. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to friends and relatives? Isn’t it almost like we are “kicking them while they are down” so-to-speak? I’ll tell you why we say these things to our friends and relatives, it’s because we care about them and we cannot stand to see them get hurt. It is a friend’s duty, or family’s duty, to keep our loved ones happy. It is our job to be their protective shield and to try and block all threats of harm from reaching the ones we love. We say these things to pull them away from this horrible force that they have found themselves in and try and restore a smile back to their face. Most of all we say these things out of ignorance. We say these things knowing that our friends aren’t going to listen to us, but rather do the complete opposite and give that second chance to the relationship. I’m not saying that it is a bad thing that we try and remove our friends from hurtful situations because that is what we are here for. It is our duty to say these things to let our loved ones know we care and that we discourage all bad from ever happening to them. The truth of the matter is, there are millions of opinions out there, but only one counts and that opinion is the opinion of the one in the situation. We look to our friends for comfort in situations, but in the end it is always the same result. We take our own advice and run with it. Why? Because we are the only ones who know how we truly feel about a situation in our hearts. We are the only ones who can feel what we feel inside. We know that, our friends know that, our relatives know that, hell everyone knows that. Second chances are discretionary, always have been and always will be. There is no “yes” or “no” answer as to if second chances are worthwhile or not. The question of second chances and relationships is a specific question with generalized responses. Next time a friend asks if a second chance with their ex lover is worthwhile go ahead and tell them, “Of course not!” “He/she is not worth it!” But just know (like we always know) that to your friend, he/she is still worth it somewhere deep inside their heart.